Kite Flying - Thoughts on Flying High and Plummeted to the Ground

I think he saw it on Kipper.  Kites.  And wouldn't stop talking about it until we went to the store and got one.

And then wouldn't stop asking about it until we ripped open the package and freed it into the sky and the wind.

It kept his attention for all of five minutes, but the kites gave me hours of entertainment, relaxation, and times of meditation.

Something about watching something so light have so much power and height made me think.  Something about listening to the wind whip through the tails caused me to feel.

That little kite submitted itself to the wind.  If the wind blew to the left, that little kite swerved.  If the wind died down, a plummeting nose dive soon followed.

Yet, the majority of the time, it was so relaxed up there.  Just floating.  Letting the wind do the work.  And I heard God ask me, Why do you not let me do the work in your life? And I realize all the times that I fight God.  That I resist the direction He takes me.  That instead of a kite in the wind, I'm a salmon swimming upstream - against the current.  His current.  His plan.

And to feel.  To feel peace.  To forget worry.  To rest.  To experience His love.  To float.  To live.

He speaks again.  Why do you not just rest?  Rest?  What about my surmounting "to-do" list?  What about teaching my kids their letters and manners?  What about my business?  What about death?  And pain?

It could all be gone tomorrow.  They could all be gone tomorrow.  All of it could.  And there is nothing I can do about that.  But I can have peace.  Experience peace.  Know peace.

Peace that doesn't make sense.  And the sooner I stop trying to understand God and just experience Him, the better it will be.

Because God doesn't make sense.  Bad things happen to good people.  Young mothers are taken too soon. Children get hit by moving cars and could be gone before they were ever really here.  And God is good?  Yes.  God is good.

We can't know His plan or His reasons.  And, for me, it's better to just surrender to that.  Not as a escape or an excuse to make me feel better.  But to allow me to move on and to see the good.  To see people rallying together that otherwise would not.  To see brevity and the mist that life is - and embrace it.  Each minute.

Each smile. 

Because the wind may die down and there is nothing we can do except plummet to the ground.  And somehow, that is exactly in His plan.

 

PS... Word to the wise.  Since I'm not an expert in kite flying, I have lots of advice to give.  Tip #1:  Watch where you're running.  Especially when running backwards to coax your kite to embrace the wind.  There might be a drain just waiting to swallow you.  Embarrassed {yet painful} laughter will ensue... along with days of soreness.

Yep.  That's the drain.  Taller than my 15 month old.  My leg went right through those holes and my body did a terrible twist and tumble - landing in what I'm sure resembled the chalk outline of a dead body.  How's that for lightening up a serious post?

Linking here:

 

Healing Rain

I don't remember exactly what I had done to make me feel this way.  But something that night of my junior year in college made me feel ugly.  Gross.  Dirty.

All I remember is waking up the next morning, sitting by my living room window with my journal and begging God for some rain.  Some healing rain.  Some heavy rain.  Rain that would drop so hard on my face that after one minute of being in it, I would be thoroughly drenched.

I imagined myself out in the middle of it.  Head tipped back.  Arms stretched out.  Pound after pound of each raindrop hitting so fast that I have to close my eyes and instinctively open my mouth.  I can't hear anything except that rain.  And no one else is there.  But I feel clean.  I feel refreshed in a way that a shower can't accomplish.  Because this rain - this cleansing - comes from heaven.

One more glance out the window of my living room assures me that there is no rain.  Not even a sign of rain.  No chance.

Defeated, I pack up my bag and head out the door to another day of student teaching.

The radio is on and life stops as I realize the song is about rain.  Not just that song, but the next one, too!  Every song on the radio as I drove those 10 miles to my 6th grade classroom was about rain.

God HAD sent me rain - in the form of song.  To tell me that I was clean.  I was perfect.  I was His.

And He was listening.

 

What I Want my Kids to Remember {perseverance}

Sometimes the tasks you choose to attempt seem impossible to me.  Sometimes the task doesn't make much sense.

But this is what you want.  And you are determined to finish it.

But I love that you ask for help.  Always know that it's ok.  We are all made to need each other.  Needing each other is not a sign of weakness.

Because one way or another, you always seem to finish what you set out to do.

This image has been entered into the 12 Days of Mommy Moments {Day/Prompt #10}

And your sense of pride and accomplishment are pure joy to witness. 

Keep on keeping on Little Love.  You want to put that hanger in your shirt while you're still in it?  I'm behind you all the way.  No telling you that's silly.  I want to help you embrace your feats.  To climb to the tops of the mountains {or the dining room chair}.  To swim across oceans {or get your hair wet in the bathtub}. 

This momma is here to help you become and do what you were created to do.  Let's roll!  {or hang?}

Linking to:

Just You and Me

He takes the kids to the park and I'm left alone.  The house is quiet, but the dishes need done, so I turn it on.  And it plays.  And my heart screams with joy.

"Take my heart, I lay it down at the feet of you who's crowned"

My eyes close and I uncontrollably sing.  Hands wet with soapy water from the endless pit of dishes, my mind goes empty.  Empty with everything except Him.

"Take my life, I'm letting go.  I lift it up to You who's throned "

I almost didn't turn the music on.  I almost just sat at the computer and looked at the endless amounts of inspiration that overflows the Internet.  I almost didn't listen to that small voice that whispered, "meet with ME."

"Meet with Me over a sink full of dishes - I don't care."  And I have never felt more connected.  Because whenever my heart is connected, it's just me and Him.

The dishes are suddenly done, I realize that my heart is FULL.  Why don't I do all my mundane tasks in the presence of Him?

Linking to:

Movie Moments in Your Marriage

I came home from that night and crawled under the covers next to him.  He was barely awake.

Tell me what you thought the first moment you saw me.  Perhaps I was still floating around in movie-land... where couples stare longingly into one another's eyes and have perfect moments of euphoria.

mmmmmmm....  He rolls over and looks at me.  I think he realizes the deep desire for me to feel loved.

You were the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen.  He means it, I'm sure.  I decide not to question him on it.

What about now?  With my c-section tummy and banana smeared clothing?  Surely that isn't the most beautiful thing he's seen.

He knows I compare myself.  He knows I worry that we are losing our spark.  He knows.  And he cares.

He pulls me tighter.  Even with all your flaws.

Uh oh.  He said the word "flaws".  I thought a husband isn't supposed to see those.  But he does.  They are just as obvious to him as they are to me.  The difference is he LOVES me despite them.  I DESPISE them about me.

My flaws?  What are they?  I just put him in an uncomfortable situation, but he doesn't miss a beat.

You're too perfect.  You love the kids too much.  You sometimes are too busy to notice me.  {ouch... this one is true.}  But the biggest flaw?  

You don't realize how much I love you.

It was a movie moment.  It could have been taken right out of When Harry Meets Sally or The Notebook.  I'm sure of it.

I've always heard that you can't expect the movie-type relationship in your own marriage.  I think this is true, and I often avoid "chic flicks" so as not to put expectations on my husband to meet some magical Hollywood standard.

But, what is wrong with making movie moments in my marriage?  {how's that for alliteration?}

I'm committed to looking for and grasping the movie moments.  Because they are there.  And if they aren't there, then I will manufacture them.  For that spark.  Then probably write about them on here {you can gag now if you wish}.

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Previous St. Patrick's Day posts:

• Last year's photo shoot.  My how they've grown!
• A fun bow tie tutorial... maybe for your Easter photos?

the time he didn't propose

Below is another article I wrote for Radiant Magazine (the discontinued sister mag to Relevant Magazine).

It's written about an extremely painful time in my life.  When my boyfriend (now husband) decided NOT to propose.  In light of Valentine's Day coming up, I thought I'd sit on the side of the single ladies and share this article.  No, not every Valentine's Day was spent in joyful bliss.  Sometimes it was just painful. 

It hurts, but God wants to teach us in our pain.

Here we go...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
{via Summer 2006}

For the first time in my life, I have no idea what I’m doing.  I have no idea what my life looks like after my internship is up on August 1^st.  No idea what state I’ll be living in, where I will be worshiping on Sundays, how I’ll be financing my unidentified apartment or who my unknown best friends will be.

To make matters worse, everyone keeps asking me what I’m going to do come August.  After explaining my oh-so-ambiguous plans, they look at me with big eyes, an enormous smile and positively exclaim,

“That’s SO exciting!  Not knowing what you’re doing.  It’s like a big adventure with God!”

I nod quickly, thankful for their encouragement, and then exit the conversation and perimeter as fast as I can before the tears inevitably start to fall.

The plans of my life weren’t always so unclear.  In fact, three weeks ago I was helping my boyfriend pick out my engagement ring and hearing him describe his plans of asking my dad for my hand in marriage and proposing to me on a family vacation that ended last week.

Most people would be appalled that I knew when my proposal was going to happen, but I’ve never been very good at surprises.  I always knew what I was getting at Christmas way before the morning of.  Not knowing all the details of something big that is coming drives me crazy.  It’s a control issue God is currently breaking me of, but being aware of everything that is going to happen gives me satisfaction that my life is on track.  Or maybe just the assurance that it’s on a track at all.

According to my plans and the expectations I had been given, I should be writing this article with a diamond ring sparkling on my left finger.  Each tap of the “S” key should be resulting in some bling from a .75 carat Princess cut solitaire. 

But, things didn’t quite go as I had expected them to.  Two days before my boyfriend was to fly with our engagement ring to southern California for a beach vacation with my family, he pulled some surprising news.

He said that while he still wanted to marry me and loved me whole-heartedly, he felt convicted that he hadn’t given God enough say in whether this was the right time to propose to me.  My life seemed to crash around me as I listened to him describe his desire to have God control the timing of his life and our relationship.  I should’ve been thrilled that my boyfriend was seeking God in one of the most important decisions of our lives, but instead the only thoughts surfacing were those of disappointment and confusion.  I was suddenly out of control… things were not going as planned.

God has shown me through all this that I have no right to have any expectations for my life.  Who am I to tell Him where I want to be next year?  Who am I to tell Him how my life should turn out?  I have to keep reminding myself that I don’t have the whole picture.  I can’t see my life’s future like God can.  I can’t see which plan of mine will succeed the best.  And I definitely can’t have expectations for what my life will look like in two years when I don’t have any control over the days in between.

There is something I CAN do, though.  I can surrender my expectations and control of my life over to the One who is truly in control - to the One who sees the future and designed my life with His perfect plan.  I can count on Him to surprise me and take me places I never thought I could go while teaching me more about His unfailing and undying love for me.

For some reason, God is not allowing me to know my future right now.  And after a period of rebellion and frustration, I am finally coming to terms with that.  This is a good place to be.  It forces me to completely trust in the Jesus I confess to have faith in. 

Sadly, I think my life so far has made God closterphobic.  I have been so committed to seeing my plans succeed and banking on the expectations I had coming true, God has had no room to move.  He’s been walled in by my expectation to be engaged last week.  He’s been caged in with my plan to be married by next summer.  And He’s been tied up because of my desire to orchestrate the details of my life.

My heart is screaming to break Him free, and I must listen and obey it.  I must untie him and give him the space to run and dance and move in my life – no matter what that looks like for “my plans”.

Proverbs 19:21 makes it clear that trading in my plans for God’s has to be the best plan I’ve yet to make; “Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails”.  The Lord’s purpose will prevail in spite of my plans, but how much better to surrender those plans upfront to the Lord to do with what He will. 

It’s scary.  It’s uncertain.  It’s exciting.

Tonight, my boyfriend and I decided on a mission statement for our new lives of surrender to God’s plans.  We want to recklessly abandon our lives for the cause of Christ.  That means not having any idea of what a future looks like, but knowing that God is going to take us on a real adventure with Him and He’ll really be able to use us because we’re available, willing, and have no previous plans. 

The first step is to free up my life planner.  Good thing I wrote in pencil.

Interested in reading more? Read one I've already shared here. And another one here.

Linking to 504 Main, Casey Leigh, and Serenity Now today.

5 things i'm loving right now {about my kids}

Yes, it's that time again.  You saw it in January.  And now that it's officially February, it's time for me to brag about how wonderful my children are and expose everything I love about them right now!  So, here we go:

1. Jonah is potty trained!  

That's right!  We traded the diapers for Thomas the Train unders and it was all his idea.  Couldn't have been simpler.

2. She turned 1.

 My Little Love is no longer a baby.  She is understanding so much... giving open mouthed kisses on command and finding her blankie when asked.  She is finally sleeping through the night - thank goodness... although we had to lower her crib after she jumped ship.

And her birthday party was sure fun to get to prepare for.

As well as watching her smash her cake in the most delicate way possible.

3. No more nursing.  

This was a bitter sweet moment for me.  I shed some tears thinking about how she no longer would snuggle up to me morning, noon, and night.  Thankfully, she has become even more of a snuggle bug since quitting.  I think she misses it, too.

finally enjoying a glass of wine without worry.

4. Brother/sister games.  

Not only do they enjoy laughing at each other while buckled into their car seats, they love playing together at home, too {most of the time}.  Lately, their favorite game has been "Fetch" - where we pretend they are dogs and ask them to fetch toys.   

5. Jonah's comments.  

Here is a rundown of my favorite this month {via my Facebook Status updates}.

Jonah while cleaning up his mess: "it's hard to obey"

Me: "Jonah, tell Mr. Toby welcome to Hamtramck!"
Jonah: "Welcome to Hamchicken!" ;)

Jonah looks at his poops floating in the water as he sits on the toilet and says,
"Hey! I got fish poopies! I got dolphin poopies!"
Daddy: "oh! Do you have any whale or shark poopies?!"
Jonah: {grunting} "... no, I don't have no whale poopies."

Jonah looking at a horse:
"oh! Forsey is having naked time!"

Clara bumps into Jonah's "booty".
Jonah: "hey! That' my booty. I have a NIIIICE booty. I LOOVE my booty."

Jonah hiding:
Daddy: "oh no! Where is Jonah?"
Jonah: "in my pants!"

Jonah: {pulling a book off the shelf} It's a book! Wanna read it, Daddy?
Daddy: sure! What does it say?
Jonah: Jesus loves you!

Scene: Jonah's foot is stuck in a jar (don't ask how).
Jonah: "Help Mommy! My foot is stuck!"
Me: {pulls foot out}
Jonah: "Thank you, Fire Mommy!"

Everything we lay Jonah down for his nap he says (between yawns)... "but I woke up this morning!"

Whenever Jonah passes gas, he says, "I popped poopies!"

BLB of the day:

The Maggie

Save 10% with BAGOFTHEDAY {good only on this bag until midnight on date of blog post}

this changed my life {and my sanity}

I seriously cannot tell you all enough how much I love E-mealz.  I has revolutionized my life!  I don't endorse or talk about many other companies on this blog... so you know it has to be good.  Please give me five minutes to convince you, too.



I love to be organized and efficient with everything I do.  But I had never gotten the hang of meal planning, grocery shopping, then actually cooking the meals I planned.  It took too much energy and too much time.

Until I discovered e-mealz!  {No one from the company has asked me to write a blog post, I just love it that much.  I'm pretty confident you will at least want to TRY it after reading what I have to say.}

The program is simple.  You can sign up for a 3 month, 6 month, or 12 month subscription.  (of course, you save the most with the 12 month).  Then, you choose the plan that works for you:

Regular
Low Fat
Low Carb
Portion Control
Vegetarian
Gluten Free
or Natural & Organic

There is a plan for everyone.  After paying {which is on the cheap... between $5 - $7 per month}, you can download your menu sheet and shopping list every Sunday.

Here is a sample of the menu sheet:

And the shopping lsit:

I went shopping with my list for the first time last week and it was so easy to follow.  Everything is sorted by section in the store AND since you choose the store you shop at most, E-mealz will plan your menu based on the sales that week!!  This is like couponing on steroids {but without the side effects and absolutely no cutting, clipping, or printing}.

And can I just tell you about the meals?  I've cooked three so far.  And each time my husband has literally praised me for how delicious they taste.  Every meal has taken me less than 45 minutes to prep and prepare including the suggested side dishes to go with each one.  We've had a delicious peach salsa chicken, creamy chicken pasta, and white chicken chili... all to die for.  With the exception of the chili, we always had leftovers for lunch the next day.  And, the site claims they do not rotate recipes frequently, so this gives a lot of variety to my weekly menu.

My only qualm is that I can't pick the meals I want to eat each week, but there is something nice about not having to think.  And if a meal doesn't look good {which hasn't happened yet}, my plan is to just swap it with a previous meal we've had and LOVED.  The shopping list items are numbered to correspond with each meal, so deleting or changing one is easy.

When it comes time to prepare the meals, I have everything I need to make it happen.  No clunky cookbook and no open laptop with the latest Pinterest meal recipe - just one sheet of paper hanging on my fridge with simple instructions.

The best part?  My family is eating healthy AND AROUND THE SAME TABLE.  I don't have to scrounge around to find something to cook.  I know exactly what is for dinner each night {with absolutely no work outside of pushing print to get a menu together} and my life feels so much more in control.  Know what I mean?

Dave Ramsey endorses the program, for heaven's sake!  So you know it has to be good for your budget, too.  Plus, I found a coupon code (NEWYOU) that got me 20% off my subscription.

What are you waiting for?  Make your evenings enjoyable and delicious.  Go sign up!  I'm hooked after one week and will never be going back to another system again.