Finally... peace.

It started as soon as he woke up.  I rolled out of bed, hair a mess, into his room.

"Mommy, can I watch a movie?"  We stumble into the living room and turn on cartoons.

"NO!  Not that movie!!"  I change the channel until I realize that nothing is satisfying this little monster.

"I want to eeeeeaaaat."  But he doesn't know what he wants.  And everything I set in front of him is wrong.

"I want Mac & Cheese."  For breakfast?  I don't care.  I make it.  I set it before his Royal Highness and he says,

"Noooo... I don't waaannnt Mac & Cheese."

She's up now.  Eats her breakfast like a little champ.  {The floor, however, is still covered in her food - hours later}.

He's back at it:  "I want to go the Y and play with the toys and the kids."  Great!  I'd love to work out and have a small break from being a mom.  I start to get everyone dressed.  We walk toward the door.

"I don't want to go to the Y.  I want to stay at my hoouuuse and take a nap."  The longer I pull him toward the door, the harder he fights me and the louder he whines.

A nap?  That would be fine, too.  Little one would just scream the entire time I worked out anyway.  So shoes come off.

The nap lasted 10 minutes.  "Mommy???"  I walk in the room.   "I'm awake!"  Great.  Let's play outside.  {This pseudo-nap happened three times}.

"I want to play with the rice!"  I decide to bring down the beans.  Horror erupts when he finds out that beans have entered his playtime rather than the rice.  He eventually gets over it.  

I remember tomorrow is St. Patrick's Day.  I need to take my annual holiday picture for the blog.  I don't have a backdrop prepared for it and the kids are in no mood to smile.

I decide to make this and let them at in in the bathtub.  It was a success.

Then lunch came.

"I want pizza!!"  I hand him a leftover slice from yesterday.

"Noooooo!!  I don't waaaaant pizza."  Chicken nuggets?  Maybe he'll like to dip those.  He accepts until the plate gets in front of him.

"I don't wannnnt chicken nuggets.  I wanna go night-night."  Ok, let's go.  Halfway to his room.

"I wanna eeeeaaaaat chicken nuggets first!!"  Back in the chair.

I walk out of the room at the request to get his sippy cup.  And I catch a glance of myself in the mirror.  Baggy grey sweatpants wet around the bottom, dirty white tank top that does nothing for holding in my c-section gut.  Hair a mess and a face that hasn't seen makeup in days.

I start crying.  I've given up everything for these kids.  I've given up my freedom, my "me-time", my career, my body.

I can't do it anymore.  But I can't NOT do it.  Where do I go from here?

Somehow we make it through lunch.  And this time he really does go to sleep.  I tuck him in and he whispers, "I love YOU, Mommy."  Heart melts.

I carry her into her room and sway back and forth as her little head drops to my chest.  I smell her hair and think that everything must be right.

Naptime brings a breath of perspective, doesn't it?

Happy Anniversary, Babe!

Today is a special day.  So, you won't mind me interrupting Mommyhood Monday to bring you a post about my favorite person in the whole world (yes, even more than my adorable son)... my wonderful husband.  This post is all about you and all for you.

I can't believe it has been two years since this day.

I remember waiting in the room at the back of the church as I listened to the music being played.  Soon, I knew, it would be my turn to walk down the aisle.  

After my dress got caught in the door, I was unhooked, and turned to see you - waiting for me.

I didn't take my eyes off of you the entire walk down the aisle.  While every other eye may have been one me... my eyes were on you.  You looked so handsome, and I couldn't believe this day was here.

Just two years earlier we had taken this picture on Santa Monica beach... our first picture and our first date.  Remember?

Did you know then that you would marry me?

I did.  That day, I had seen a sign.  This car on the packed LA freeway.  "SmithX2" it said, and I knew that I would be the "times 2" in your life.

Remember the day you asked me to marry you?  Of course I said yes!

There is so much I love about you!

Like, how you said you didn't care if I messed up your hair the first time I cut it, and then we had our first fight about the way your hair looked.

I love how you make me delicious coffee drinks.

And the fun we have drinking them together.

I love how you cook the most amazing meals for me.

And I even love cleaning up the mess you make.  (That is, after all, the deal - you cook, I clean!)

I love that I sometimes find your coffee in the shower.

And I'm so in love with your sense of humor and how you can always make me laugh (... wanna spoon?!)

You romance me like no other.  With fancy restaurants...

... horse drawn carriage rides ...

... and gifts.  Oh!  The gifts...

You really know how to light my fire.

and I think I'm pretty good at finding the wood to keep it going.  We're a good team.

Sure, not everything goes perfect in our marriage.

Like the flat tires we always seem to get.

But, I couldn't stand a life without you.

Thank you for being such a wonderful husband.

And such a perfect Daddy.

I can't wait to get to know you better this year.

Love,

your wife

Mrs. Smith

Ten Tiny Toes...

We are a little obsessed with Little Bug's toes around here...

See?

 

And lately, Little Bug has discovered his toes, too!

Daddy's toes taste delicious (who knew?!)

I miss these little toes... his are growing SO FAST!

And, I love the songs that go along with toes.

This little piggy went to market. (Wiggle baby's first toe)
This little piggy stayed home. (Wiggle baby's second toe)
This little piggy had roast beef. (Wiggle baby's middle toe)
This little piggy had none. (Wiggle baby's fourth toe)
This little piggy cried wee wee wee all the way home! (Wiggle baby's pinky toe)


or how about...



Momma's got ten fingers. (Wiggle your fingers in front of baby's face)
Baby's got ten toes. (Wiggle baby's toes)
Momma's got a tummy. (Rub your tummy)
Baby's got a nose! (Touch baby's nose)


have you sang this one, yet?


These are baby’s fingers (Kiss/touch baby’s fingers.) 
These are baby’s toes, (Kiss/touch toes.) 
This is baby’s belly button, (Touch baby’s belly.) 
Round and round it goes. (Circle belly button.)

I love the things I found on Etsy that have to do with toes.

 

Head to Toe Wash

100% natural ingredients

 Already Made Scrapbook Page!

Just waiting for your pictures.

 

Tiny Toes Magnet

Wouldn't these make cute baby shower favors?!

 

Adorable Felt Booties  

She has 24 different pairs of booties - all just as adorable.

 

Custom Pendant of your Baby's Toes

... in case you can't get enough of them already!

This seller also has an awesome personalized dog tag for my military friends... check it out here... gave me goosebumps.

Now, if only I could keep up with my toes... pedicure anyone?

... and no, I won't post a picture of my toes!

Fun Family Activity

Two summers ago, our friends and I played a really fun game involving dollar bills and the Dollar Store.

Here's how it works:
1. Get a bunch of friends and/or family together.
2. Go to the Dollar Store.
3. Split up and scrounge around for a perfect gift that represents each member playing.
4. Only spend $1 on each person.
5. Go somewhere where you all can sit down and pass out your gifts to each person - explaining why you picked it as you go.

We had a great time doing this!

Why is this in "Mommyhood Monday"?  I've been thinking about how excited I am to do fun activities with our family when our kids get older.  This game is one thing I want to do - for sure.


..................................................................................

Better Life Bag Haiti Relief Effort Update (whew... long title)

Awhile back, I dedicated all the proceeds of Better Life Bag purchases to go towards the Haiti Relief Effort until March 1st. 

Well, it's March 1st, so the total raised is....   $56!!!! 

Thanks to everyone who purchased during the month of February. 

All proceeds will now go back to low income entrepreneurs in developing countries through Kiva.

Guess How Much I Love You

I just got done putting Little Bug to bed.  I cherish that time.  If I'm really lucky, he'll fall asleep while nursing and then I get to cuddle him a little bit while his head rests on my shoulder.  This never happens while he's awake.

The other day I pulled a new book out of the closet to read to Little Bug.

Have you read it?  It's about Big Nutbrown Hare and Little Nutbrown Hare.  Little Nutbrown Hare tells his Daddy how much he loves him, but his Daddy keeps coming back with bigger ways that he loves Little Nutbrown Hare.

The last few pages made me cry:

"I love you right up to the moon," Little Nutbrown Hare said, and closed his eyes. 
"Oh, that's far," said Big Nutbrown Hare. "That is very, very far."  
Big Nutbrown Hare settled Little Nutbrown Hare into his bed of leaves.  
He leaned over and kissed him good night.  
Then he lay down close by and whispered with a smile, 
"I love you right up to the moon - and back."

I get goosebumps every time I read that.  Because it's so true.  Little Bug has no idea how much I love him.  He can love me with everything he has and I will still love him more.

Kind of reminds me of God and how much He loves me... does it to you, too?

Mommy Monday #1 - Watch Jonah Grow!

A few months before Little Bug was born, a friend of mine had her baby.  Each week she sat her little girl by the same stuffed animal and posted them on Facebook.  Her album was called, "Watch Maddie Grow".  I was determined to do the same with Little Bug when he got here.   He was born on a Tuesday, so every Tuesday since then, he has gotten his picture taken with the same stuffed animal... the lamb.

It's been so fun to see the lamb shrink as Little Bug gets bigger!

All you need is a stuffed animal.  I chose a blanket so that I would have the same background in all my photos... definitely not necessary.  

I think it's a great idea for the first year.  If anyone is about to have a baby, I suggest looking for the right stuffed animal now!  I wish that I had found a stuffed whale to photograph Little Bug by.  Anyway, I don't plan on continuing this past the first year.  I think it would start to become a fight when I'm making my 16 year take a picture with his lamb.  But... I wouldn't put it past me!

Hotel Stays...

Hotel stays are not what they used to be, that's for sure.  Instead of the romantic dinner out on the town, we ate Taco Bell in our hotel room.  Instead of staying up late watching late night TV, we sit motionless in the pitch black so as not to wake our sleeping child.  Instead of listening to soft music while we slow dance in our pajamas, we are listening to screams coming from our overly tired baby as we bounce him incessantly to get him to at least taste sleep a little.  Jonah did finally fall asleep (and so did Daddy) in our large king size bed.  Neil and I have a full size bed at home, so any time I get the privilege of sleeping like royalty in a King, I'm excited.  Tonight, however, both my boys have spread themselves out across the entire bed, leaving me less space than I normally receive.  :)  I love it though.  Right before he fell asleep, Neil reached over and allowed his toes to touch mine.  I smiled in the dark because I was sure the placement of our three bodies resembled a heart.  Mommy and Daddy's feet angled in to make the bottom of the heart, our heads making the two humps at the top, and little Jonah making the dip between us.  I didn't care how much space I wasn't getting - this was my new family, and I was going to cherish every second.

The Moment a Child is Born...

"The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new."

I am in love.  Look at those eyes and tell me you wouldn't LOVE to look into them every single day!  I love when he laughs, I love when he "talks", I even love when his little bottom lip starts to quiver before he breaks into tear-falling sobs.  I love my baby boy. 

I can't believe how much my life has changed since having him.  It's as if I view life with a whole new set of eyes.  I can't hardly look at a news program or read a story about a mother who lost her baby or a dad who is tragically (and unjustifiably) separated from his son.  Whenever I watch one, all I can see is me in the place of the distressed parent and my baby in the place of the innocent child.  I watched Dateline tonight about the Bring Sean Home: The Untold Story, and for the full two hours, I took on the incredible grief and loss of David Goldman.  I went through emotions like fear - wondering if Neil would ever just up and leave with my baby and forbid me from seeing him.  Anger - furious at the wife for taking Sean to Brazil.  Compassion - for David, as he seemed like a wonderful, loving father.  Sympathy - for Sean as I can't begin to imagine what emotional scarring has taken place.  But most of all, my heart was broken for the father... for 2 hours.  But then, the television gets turned off, the internet shut down, and my life returns to the normal I know it to be.  My sleeping baby safe in his crib.  My loving husband sitting next to me on the couch.  And my beating heart is slowing down steadily from the adrenaline rush of living someone else's nightmare. 

Except that I'm not living it.  And they are.  They really are.